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76 min That was Palace’s first shot on target. I know he’s not the greatest with the ball at his feet, and he has occasionally looked nervous when playing for England, but Nick Pope is an outrageously good shot-stopper.
75 min Hughes is booked for repeating offending.
73 min: Brilliant save from Pope! He’s had bugger all to do all game, which makes this save even better. Ayew’s speculative ball forward bounced off a couple of players in the area and fell to Mateta, 12 yards from goal. He nailed a rising shot across goal, but Pope flew to his right and stretched to tip it over the bar. That’s a spectacular reaction save.
Updated at 14.03 EST
72 min “Another Grandaddy fan here who thinks they’re underrated,” says J.R. in Illinois. “Do yourself a favor (or favour) and check out the song MGM Grand. (It’s from the Signal to Snow Ratio EP). Of course I’m also an early Flaming Lips fan. In the early 90s a friend hired a bus and about 30 of us went to see them at a small club a couple hours away in Indianapolis where we were over half the crowd. Ah, those were the days.”
71 min: Palace substitution Jairo Riedewald replaces Joel Ward, who looks pretty tired and in no mood to spend 20 minutes chasing Allan Saint-Maximin.
70 min “Well if your viewers are left disappointed by this game for any reason,” deadpans Colin Young, “they can come on down to ‘Emo-Therapy’, which is a covers band, doing pretty much what it says in the name; Blink 182, My Chemical Romance, etc.. at the Cavendish Arms Stockwell London. If that floats anyone’s boat. Starts at 8pm so get a shufty on.”
You do Sparklehorse, right?
69 min: Double substitution for Newcastle Isak and Saint-Maximin replace Callum Wilson and Joe Willock. That presumably means Joelinton will move back into midfield.
69 min “They probably can’t be connected with the American bands brought up already,” says John Davis, “but the discussion has reminded me of the criminally unknown Slint. Every time I see Jamaal Lascelles achieve another booking as a non-playing substitute, I start humming ‘Good Morning Captain’.”
They’re on my list of Bands I Really Should Get Into But Let’s Be Honest If It Was Going To Happen It Needed To Be About 15 Years Ago.
68 min Newcastle are readying two high-class substitutes: Alexander Isak and Allan Saint-Maximin.
66 min Willock twists the weary Ward one way and then the other, but Ward recovers to block Willock’s cross at the expense of a corner.
65 min: Triple substitution for Palace Michael Olise, Will Hughes and Jean-Philippe Mateta replace Jeff Schlupp, Eberechi Eze and the injured Wilfried Zaha.
63 min “I see your point about those three albums as a triptych of some kind,” says Matt Dony. “Although, Deserter’s Songs is obviously the finest and set a bar that the other two could never realistically meet. Similarly, I group Steal My Sunshine by Len and Drinking In LA by Bran Van 3000 together. The songs are not necessarily alike, but always appear in my head together. I have nothing to add in regard to the match, sorry.”
We can talk about Liverpool if you like. Gakpo? Nunez? I know what you mean about those songs, both part of the 1999 One-Hit Wonder club I suppose, though I tend to put Steal My Sunshine alongside You Get What You Give by the New Radicals.
This must be all sorts of fun for people who don’t like late-90s alternative music, or music, or anything other than football.
62 min: Chance for Newcastle! Trippier’s outswinging corner is headed wide of the near post by Botman. That’s another really good chance. He eased Edouard out of the way and then powered a header just wide.
62 min Trippier gets to the byline and stretches to slide a cutback that is kicked behind by Richards at the near post. Zaha is still on the field, but he’s struggling.
61 min Zaha is going to try to run off his hamstring injury. Diego Costa tried that game in the 2014 Champions League final, and if he can’t manage it…
60 min Guimares, who looks a class apart, shapes a terrific cross from the right side of the area that is headed behind by the stooping Ward.
59 min Zaha has pulled his hamstring. This is a serious blow to Palace, and to Zaha, who punches the ground angrily.
57 min Trippier is booked for fouling Zaha. He probably should have been booked in the first half, so he can’t really complain.
57 min Joelinton curls straight at Guaita from 22 yards. A fairly tame effort.
57 min “If we’re talking criminally underrated bands of that era,” says Mark, “I’d like to throw my hat in for recently reformed Scottish indie band, The Delgados – American Trilogy.”
It’s a yes from me.
56 min Newcastle continue to dominate every facet of the game except the most important one. I’m not sure what’s up with Palace, who are playing with none of their usual vibrancy. Maybe they’re just tired after playing in midweek.
54 min “You asked at the start of the game what was the point of Crystal Palace always finishing 12-15th,” says David Bowden. “It means having a solvent club run by a true fan and seemingly decent bloke which invests in the local community, pays a living wage to its non-playing employees (even in lockdown) and the occasional chance to be a thorn in the side of the big boys
“In an age of sportswashing, sovereign investment funds, private equity moneyball and other dubious political links it does feel like simply just doing your best as a club within your means possibly outweighs going on a European run or winning the transfer window.
“Difficult to begrudge the Geordies having some fun after the Ashley years, but not sure how much joy I’d feel about a state or oligarch owned Palace winning the Champions League either compared to how I felt watching Olise’s goal on Wed.”
At the risk of despicable egotism, I should say that I didn’t ask what the point was; I said some would wonder what the point was, and that’s undeniably the case. Anyone with a brain knows that clubs like Palace make the Premier League a better, more soulful place. But also, think how many teams have been relegated in the ten years since Palace were promoted. To never really be in a relegation battle in that time is, quietly, a serious achievement. I was going to say it’s a remarkable achievement but then nobody really remarks upon it.
53 min: Chance for Newcastle! Trippier takes a short corner on the left, gets the ball back and curls a lovely inswinging cross towards Wilson on the six-yard line. He heads straight at Guaita, and instantly regrets it. That was a really good chance, although he was moving slightly away from goal as he made contact.
Updated at 13.42 EST
52 min Joelinton gallops away from Ward down the left and cuts the ball back to Wilson, back to goal on the six-yard line. Richards gets a foot in and then Guimaraes’s cross is deflected behind. From which…
50 min Since that early burst from Newcastle, nada. Nowt. Diddly. Bugger all.
47 min “I genuinely thought I was the only one who considered those Flamingdaddyrevs albums as part of something connected,” says Mark Grassick. “They’ve always been very much linked in my head, although I’d probably put Sparklehorse’s Good Morning Spider in there too. Going on a 90s nostalgia trip now.”
I always thought Sparklehorse was so singular that he just existed in his own (sad and beautiful) world. It’s such a personal thing though; you could make the same argument about the other three bands.
46 min A fast start from Newcastle. Guimaraes feeds a fine pass into Longstaff on the right side of the area, but his cross is behind everyone.
46 min Peep peep! Crystal Palace begin the second half, with no changes on either side. Yet.
“Newcastle look v classy – there’s pleasure to be taken in how easily they have snuffed out and recycled any Palace attacks – but also toothless,” says Tom Frater. “To what extent does this come down to Callum Wilson? He seems such a good egg and the team play better with him, but I’d be quite keen to see the expensive lad on the bench show what he can do in the second half.”
It’ll be interesting, if it stays 0-0, to see whether Eddie Howe will risk playing Isak and Wilson, as he did against Fulham last week.
If you haven’t seen Kaoru Mitoma’s goal, get it done.
Half time: Crystal Palace 0-0 Newcastle
45+1 min: Chance for Palace! Eze curls a lovely outswinging cross to the far post, where Richards gets behind Burn and Botman but mistimes a header over the bar from six yards. That’s a really good chance, the best of the half, and he beats the ground in frustration at not taking it.
Updated at 13.26 EST
45 min Doucoure sprays a long pass towards Zaha, who goes over on the edge of the area under challenge from Trippier. There was nothing much in that. The ball runs loose to Edouard, whose shot deflects wide off Trippier.
45 min The resulting free-kick, taken by Trippier, bounces off the unsighted Schar at the far post and dribbles through to Guaita. Newcastle look a threat at set-pieces.
44 min Eze wipes out Almiron and is maybe fortunate to avoid a booking. I haven’t a clue any more.
42 min Anyway, back to the football. Newcastle have been extremely good for three-quarters of the pitch, but it isn’t quite happening in the Palace area. Yet.
40 min “Seeing Grandaddy, one of the most criminally underrated bands, of the last 30 years, mentioned in the MBM makes my entire weekend,” says Cale Hand. “I love the Guardian, I love football, and I love Grandaddy. Keep up the stellar work.”
I had no idea Grandaddy were seen as underrated. I don’t know them that well apart from The Sophtware Slump, in truth, but Jason Lytle released a gorgeous song last year called Drop That Hero. He’s also in the charming Sparklehorse documentary that finally came out a few months ago.
39 min In the last 15 minutes, Newcastle have had 78 per cent of the possession. They are playing with the authority of a top team – but they are still aren’t creating that much. A speculative curler from Almiron, 20 yards out, goes well wide.
36 min: Good save by Guaita! The resulting corner ricochets around the Palace area until Joelinton cracks a close-range shot on the turn that is really well blocked by Guaita. The ball hit Mitchell’s hand on the way through to Guaita, but it was fairly tight to his chest. No penalty.
Updated at 13.07 EST
35 min Excellent defending from Zaha, who takes the ball off the toe of Almiron in the area. Almiron was shaping to shoot after being set up by Guimaraes.
34 min Ayew has a hopeful shot blocked. Given their ability, Palace look surprisingly timid in attack.
32 min Eze is receiving treatment, so both managers take the opportunity to have an impromptu teamtalk.
31 min Newcastle try a funky training-ground free-kick. Trippier plays the ball to Guimaraes, whose clip into the area is headed partially clear. Willock slices a difficult volley high and wide from the edge of the area.